Remember my post on Café Gratitude and the online Abounding River play group that I joined? Well I wanted to share with you an experience that is helping me to create a new shift for myself. A vision that I have for this blog is coming into fruition this year and I’m excited that because of this playgroup, I am motivated and inspired to move forward with this shift (more to be announced about this in another post).
But for now I just wanted to share one of the exercises on meditation. For awhile now (actually years), I have been struggling with practicing meditating consistently. I had been creating my own “stories” around meditation: don’t have any time; too tired to wake up earlier than Andrik wakes up to meditate; when I do it at night, I end up falling asleep; I used to be so connected when I was a child with meditation and now I’m just so disconnected, blah blah blah!
Sheesh, I was getting tired of my stories surrounding something that should be bringing me peace, invigoration and inner connectedness. Thankfully with this online playgroup, I realized and was supported by others that anything and everything I do can be a meditation, as long as I ground myself with love. So here’s a new story I liked to share with you about how I’m making meditation my own.
As I was putting Andrik down to go to sleep two nights ago, he asked for Mama's milk. I've been trying to wean breastfeeding at night right before bed (and had been successful at it) but because there has been so many changes in the past 4 months with moving to two places, I figured I would breastfeed him at night for a little bit. And within that moment, I had an epiphany that I could actually medidate while he's breastfeeding! Well ok I had this epiphany before I started the playgroup but this time I was more committed to doing it!
So I started focusing on my breath and was about to envision a beautiful tree (like my cousin Nikki had mentioned in a prior post) when suddenly a different vision came into my mind. Actually a different sensation was more like it - it was the loving connection between Andrik and myself in this intimate moment. With each breath, I envisioned a white milky light streaming through my body, out through my breast and into my son's mouth, nourishing him with all of its loving nutrients.
And then my mind started to wander (as it normally does when I meditate) but this time it wandered into one of the other exercises: the gratitude exercise. This is an exercise where we are thankful for someone or something that occurred to us in that day. It dawned on me after the meditation that I was doing two exercises in 1! LOL I didn't intend to do this but it just organically happened because I was just so grateful that my body could still supply this nurturing fluid for my son at 22 months old. So I went with it.
I thanked my body for instinctively and continuously being in the flow. I thanked my breasts for withstanding several months of teethmarks when my son was teething. And how grateful I am that even though he's still teething that he no longer has the urge to bite and pull away (ouch - sorry if it's a little graphic but this is the beauty and not so beautiful moments of motherhood..lol). Then I thanked myself for being strong through these painful moments yet was still gentle with Andrik in explaining that biting hurts and that when he feels like biting, to bite on his teething bon bon. And last but definitely not least, I thanked Andrik for continuing to request for Mama's milk even when he has the choice of drinking almond milk. Because without him wanting to drink my milk as much as he does then I wouldn't have as much of a supply to offer.
As a matter of fact, as I'm writing this down now, I am soooo very grateful for the wonderful opportunity to work from home because this allows my son the freedom to drink throughout the day which keeps the milk flowing as much as it does!
Ok so back to sharing my story. I realized that instead of thanking the food supply like I do when we sit down to eat (i.e. the creators that came up with the idea of gluten-free bread, my friend who owns her own CSA and the farmers that offer organic produce, and the cashier at Whole Foods, etc), I was thanking my very own food supply!
Then I soon realized after all my gratefulness that I was supposed to actually be meditating (oops)! So I went back to focusing on my breathing and well before I knew it, I knocked out! LOL So much for the commitment of meditating for 20 minutes!
But ya know, truthfully it didn't matter the length of time to me. I no longer had any guilt around meditating or not meditating, so to speak, in the "right" way. What mattered was the feeling that stemmed from the meditation and the appreciation I have for extended breastfeeding and the wonderful benefits extended breastfeeding provides for Andrik and for all children. What mattered the most, is connected moments like these with my lil man. And THAT right there is one sweeeet milky meditation!